You’ve never felt anything else like it: the overwhelming love that engulfs your entire being for this tiny little person. But there’s a secret you probably haven’t told anyone, not even yourself: this wonderful new baby that you love with all of your heart is just exhausting.
As a single father, you’re exhausted from working all day, being up all night with the baby, and sharing custody of her with her mother.
Still, you’re expected to be sociable and entertain guests who want to tell you how beautiful the baby is and how happy they are for you. Meanwhile, there are times when you probably wish they would just go home already, and maybe take the baby with them, so you can take a much-needed nap.
Welcome to fatherhood. It gets easier, but to really take the best care of your new bundle of joy, you’ve got to start taking care of yourself. Good self-care practices help us to be healthier and happier so we can be better parents.
You Owe It To Yourself… And Your Baby
Put yourself on your to-do list. You’re going to shower. You’re going to eat cooked food off a plate at the table. You’re going to talk to another adult for at least five minutes in person or over the phone. You’re going to get 30 minutes of exercise, preferably outside in the fresh air. You’re going to laugh. And you’re going to do these things every day. This is basic self-care 101. As you get used to prioritizing your own well-being, you can get more creative. Join a single-parent support group, take up journaling, or enroll in kickboxing classes to burn stress. But for right now, focus on sleep, food and movement.
A Good Night’s Rest
Studies show that sleep deprivation is correlated with depression and mental illness and can even contribute to heart disease. Going without it can hamper our performance in the same ways drinking alcohol does. You wouldn’t drive your baby around while you were drunk, would you? Of course not, so accordingly, you’ve got to prioritize your sleep schedule. Squeeze in a nap whenever you can by sleeping when the baby does. Also try to remember that this (sometimes agonizing) period will end someday soon -- your baby just needs a little time to find a normal sleeping routine that will keep her zonked out through the night.
Good Nutrition
The research is clear: what we eat can have important implications for our general physical and mental well-being. You need to make sure you’re eating nutritiously and drinking plenty of water. Know your calorie requirements (have you visited your primary care doctor lately?), and make sure those calories are coming from healthful choices, such as complex carbohydrates, lean proteins, and fresh fruits and vegetables. Studies show that a lack of healthy lipids correlates with depression and anxiety, so make sure you’re eating enough healthy fats as well.
Exercise For Your Body And Your Mind
Our bodies need exercise to maintain mobility and good health. Failure to exercise leads to muscle atrophy and a host of health issues. It’s associated with higher levels of mental illness as well as heart disease. Low-to-moderate levels of regular physical activity are enough to extend your lifespan and improve your overall health. Consider adding a home gym for easier access throughout your day. You can also take walks around your neighborhood with the baby in a stroller. Even 20 minutes of outdoor exercise can improve concentration and lift your mood.
If you need help staying on top of how often you’re moving, fitness trackers and smartwatches can do the work for you. Many watches, including the Apple Watch SE, also keep track of things like your blood oxygen levels, along other vitals.
Ask For Help When You Need It
There is a reason people say it takes a village to raise a child: parents need a lot of support in bringing up a baby. You’ll be pleasantly surprised by how many people in your life are willing to lend a hand, so don’t be afraid to ask. No time to swing by the grocery store? Call a friend, and ask them to pick up a few items for you on their next outing — some grocery stores also offer pickup and delivery.
Need someone to watch your little one so you can hit the gym for an hour or two? Your baby’s grandparents would probably be thrilled to watch her for a bit. There is also no shame in recruiting professional help if you need it. For example, if you’re too tired to clean the house, hire a house cleaner, which is a small price to pay to take one task off your plate. Postpartum doulas are also a great resource for to consider for both day and night support.
Remember That You Matter
You wouldn’t deprive your child of sleep, nutritious food, or healthy exercise, so why do we think it’s OK to deprive ourselves of these basic things? Tending to your own needs as a single father is far from selfish. Practicing self-care will help you to be the best parent you can be.
Blog courtesy of Josh Moore of Diaper Dads, a site specifically for Soon to be Dads and Dads navigating the world of parenthood!
